And yet for the past two months, every night when I get into bed, I clasp my hands together and pray to someone, I don't know who, for strength and courage and wisdom in dealing with the breakup of my marriage, my heartbreak, my children's heartbreak and whatever the world's got in store for us. (Cue up Wilco song: "What's The World Got in Store?" -- a great empowering song if you don't know it.)
At first I don't think I even realized I was doing it. Then I started to wonder: Who exactly am I praying to? Is it my dead father? My dead friends, Dave and Daryl? My dead grandmothers who were gone before I was born? Who? Could it be I am praying to ..... GOD???!!??!! When I don't believe there is a God? And could it mean that perhaps there IS a God if I am suddenly, almost unconsciously, praying to him every night??? Has the Lord Jesus entered my soul???!!?? Will I find myself in church in a couple of Sundays singing hymns and putting that thing in my mouth? No, not priest-meat, I mean that wafer thingy!
For God's sake, is there really a god***ned God??!!???!!! Or would I pray to a Shetland pony right now if it would make me feel better?