Last night I was out with a group of friends and a young hot 31-year-old Colombian-born investment banker who speaks four languages and totally wants to be my boyfriend for reasons I simply cannot understand (more on him at a later date as I try to figure him out and why he isn't feverishly pursuing someone who looks like Scarlett Johansson instead of me). One of the people out with us was the aforementioned friend I am trying to turf slowly but surely. She was there with her formerly married boyfriend -- he left his wife and kids and moved from another city, took a job here and is now living with her.
And oh boy. The guy's wife and kids are apparently still reeling, and she is already openly bitter about his concern for them. He is not ALLOWED to refer to the mother of his children, and his spouse for 20 years, as his wife. And he faces a tirade when he worries about his kids, as in: "Plenty of children survive divorce. Why are yours any different?" Yes, that's going to work out well ..... she is totally anti-children .... another reason why the friendship is getting icy.
Anyway, we got into a discussion about why so many relationships don't work out. And I said I honestly am beginning to believe that people start banging too soon. And it clouds everything else -- if you haven't been getting it regularly for a while, you are so grateful that you actually start building a relationship around the sex. You ignore all the warning signs, you get caught up in feeling desire and desired and adoration and adored, and you try to build a life and a relationship around your good sex life, and what sex life isn't good in the very beginning? And so it is bound to fail if much of it is based on the sex.
The almost former friend then got very nervous. She started hectoring her boyfriend -- who was already heard earlier in the night going on in a too-much-information moment about how kinky their sex life is -- about how that's just what they did. They had sex and started to build a relationship around the sex. And it became clear to me that this is exactly what's going on with them. He was in a sterile marriage, as all marriages become at times, and this woman preyed on him, introduced him to some wild sex, and he has ignored her open disdain for his children, his wife and his true character. Eventually, the sex won't be so frequent and kinky, and he is going to see plainly what the woman is all about. And he might have avoided the whole mess by getting to see what she was all about BEFORE he started having sex with her.
Doomed, I say.
I have done it myself too many times and I won't do it again. My young hottie suitor has got a long, long wait ahead of him, if I ever get to the point where I want to go beyond necking. Which I may not. And I will be OK with that.
P.S. The wonderful Dale of the fabulous blog The Passion of the Dale interviewed me this weekend. I am sure all of you have heard just about enough from me, so feel free to ignore this completely. Don't ignore Dale's blog, though -- it's great!
13 comments:
Personally, I think you're overthinking this.
You're trying to work against human nature.
I would totally go for the hot younder man.
Um, that's younger in case anyone didn't get that.
"what sex life isn't good in the very beginning?" Actually not all sex is good in the beginning! Been there done that! (sadly)
I agree with your premise that you should really get to know each other b4 having sex if you are interested in a long term relationship... but not all sex is monumental. It can get better... but there is definitely something to say for chemistry! Even if the kinky sex dies out later, there needs to be chemistry for the long haul. Otherwise its like a long term room mate situation!
Interesting post and interview at Dales!
Damn, just when I was thinking that I would only need to have a few dates with the dutch boy I went out with last night before we could have sex. Now I have to rethink everything.
Your friend p*sses me off. She's gonna lose the guy as soon as the newness wears thin.
P.S. Loved your Passion-ate interview!
Listen ladies, what do I know? I just know what my patterns have been and they haven't worked so well for me. I know nothing.
And Katie is right -- you do need the foundation of good chemistry, and the memories of your hot sex life in the beginning can be a tie that binds. Not in my case, however.
I only know that in my past, I have tended to start the sex too soon, not got to know the person and then realized there were warning signs I ignored because I was sexually fulfilled.
But Fritzi, you are different, and maybe you need to go against your pattern so indeed -- bang the nice Dutch boy soon! He's sweet and kind and available! That's a breaking of a pattern right there, and that should be our goal.
Yes, first timey sex can be excellent and hot, but it can also be weird and pointy, lumpy and awkward.
What? No? Just me?
Okay then.
I want to know when you're getting your own reality show?
Your interview answers were positively sparkling!
I agree that too many people confuse lust with love. Lust is actually so much more intense and fun than love so, of course, we want to be with our lust objects. But, if you can ride out the lust without consummating, it will burn itself out and then you'll know if you actually like/love this person or if it was just a weird chemical thing. Really, how many times have you one day looked at the person you've been having sex with and thought Ewww - WTF??
A couple of times, for sure. Very funny comment -- I laughed out loud.
Jacy, all that stuff about sex and hot Columbian investment bankers aside for a momento, I want to discuss Scarlett Johansson and you.
I've seen you. I've seen her in pictures and Wood Allen movies. She's a mutant. You look like Carmen Diaz who doesn't look like a mutant. In fact, she is very good looking as are you, so don't even mention Scarlett and you in the same sentence. K?
I am WAY prettier than Cameron Diaz!!!!
I was so upset at how your friend won't acknowledge the kids or the ex. It sounds like you are too. She sounds like a toxic friend who would be more comfortable hanging with your husband's girlfriend. Yuk.
Post a Comment