Breaking Softwood Lumber News

According to the Canadian Press, Manitoba Premier Gary Doer said today that new U.S. passport rules will place a bigger strain on US/Canada relations than softwood lumber or mad cow disease.

You can't get much bigger than that!

Rejecting the Koolaid

Tearfree recived an e-mail that the following post was made on her blog, but she can't find it anywhere so she's reprinting it for the edification of her readers:

At first I was pissed at this blog. You did seem, when you first started, to be unecessarily mean. But, recently, you have backed off a tad, and you know what? I'm starting to enjoy your postings (no to the second pair of shoes by the way - waym way to soccer mom heading to the library) and I laugh about the softwood lumber posts) I don't get mean bloggers. I'm a blogger and many many people - including you - have made fun of what I do. I just don't get why the meaness. And some of the mommy bloggers you were really mean to are very sweet people, who do help other bloggers going through a tough time. They do. Can't you disagree without being a devil child about it? Or is the world really filled with such hateful people (including, some, but definitely not all) of your commentators. I'm still on the fence with your blog. I can understand why you're doing it and I can appreciate. But do good with it not evil. Perhaps I will out myself but for now I'll be Not Really Annie, until I'm, 100 per cent sure, I like you...or even 75 percent sure.

Head lice: Do they deserve to live?

As a follow-up to yesterday’s insect post, Tearfree would like to know where the bug-loving Mummies stand on head lice. Is it okay to kill them?:

a) never
b) with Teatree oil
c) with chemical shampoos
d) in the dryer

Jack vs. Kiefer

IMPORTANT UPDATE FOLLOWS:

It’s no secret that Tearfree and the RocRebel Granny have their differences, and one of the issues that keeps coming between them is the whole Jack Bauer vs. Kiefer Sutherland thing.

Tearfree believes that this is one of those seminal disagreements that
illustrates why we can’t all get along.

Jack is dedicated to saving the world from evil terrorists and will always
do what it takes. He understands that life often gives us two bad choices and that compromise is necessary. On top of that, he is super hot and never swears.

Kiefer, on the other hand, is dedicated to partying and taking down Xmas trees. He lacks Jack’s gravitas despite his impeccable Canadian lineage.

No matter how hard she tries, Tearfree can’t understand why anyone would prefer Kiefer to Jack. Over to you, Granny?

UPDATE:

Granny e-mailed Tearfree to say: "24 got a little too violent and convoluted for me
after the first couple of seasons. And it was on against something else. We'd tape and then forget to watch it and if you miss one or two, might as well forget it. You'll hate this but I'm a Law & Order (all of them) and CSI person."

Not to worry, Granny. Season three was definitely not the best. Plus, you should be renting the DVDs, not watching once a week. Tearfree is eagerly awaiting the release of Season 5 (unless someone has a bootleg copy), because here in Canada, we have the really lousy Itunes where you can't get 24 legally. It reminds Tearfree of when she was a kid, back in the days before free trade, and she had to get Americans to smuggle her up Pepperidge Farm Mint Milanos. Really, how is it we can straighten out this softwood lumber thing, but no Jack Bauer season 5 DVDs until the fall?

Coming Up on Reject the Koolaid

Friday is our one-month anniversary.

Please e-mail Deirdre any special requests you might have and join us here on June 2 for a small celebration.

Of course, you can also post your suggestions.

Wild Things (Part2)

Yesterday must have been Urban Jungle day or something because, after Tearfree’s house was attacked by ants in the morning, the strangest thing happened to her on the way home in the evening.

As she was walking through the park, she saw a couple sitting on the grass with a Budgie–type bird. And then, all of a sudden, the bird flew away and landed on the shirtless shoulder of the young man walking just ahead of Tearfree. He asked the couple if the bird was theirs, they said no, and he just kept on walking with the bird perched on his naked shoulder.

Strolling along behind him, Tearfree marveled at how calmly he had handled the situation. Had the bird landed on Tearfree’s shoulder, she would have run around in circles screaming about Hitchcock’s The Birds and maybe even passed out from shock.

Some 50 metres later, the bird suddenly flew off, checked out some passing cyclists as perching possibilities, and then returned to the knapsack of the young man it had just left. At this point, Tearfree struck up a conversation with the guy, asking him how he felt about having a strange bird land on his shoulder -- twice.

He was French from France and took it all with Gallic nonchalance but said he couldn’t commit to keeping the bird because he felt it would be wrong to cage it. Trying to be helpful, Tearfree mentioned that her rather eccentric accountant, who keeps 20 birds in a room of their own, lived five minutes away so maybe we could just drop it off there. Tearfree then took out her cellphone and called the accountant but alas she was not there.

The young man seemed let down that fate, which had seemed so kind, mere seconds ago, as the call was being placed, had suddenly turned against him, but what can you do? Tearfree had to go make supper so she bid the guy and his (new) bird farewell, and suggested he try to drop it off at a pet shop.

Now, what would Tearfree's readers have done?

Wild Things (Part 1)

Over at Girl’s Gone Child, a supposedly hip LA Mummy Blogger, the Mummies are all fussing up a storm about how wrong it is to kill bugs and how to teach your kids not to engage in such horrible practices

Meanwhile Chez Tearfree, yesterday morning, when the front door was opened to collect the newspaper, something that had never happened before happened: an army of ants stampeded into the house, causing Tearfree to scream and stomp all over them.

Tearfree is now officially admitting that she is a serial bug killer who regularly offs spiders, wasps, flies and mosquitoes and would gladly kill cockroaches if she had any. She feels no regret whatsoever.

What’s more Tearfree’s child, who is a bug magnet, is scared of spiders since they bit the poor thing all over one night, leading to two weeks of treatment with cold compresses and cortisone cream. (And noooo, aloe vera did absolutely nothing!)

The Vagina Dialogues

Over at Dooce -- Technorati top ten Queen of the Mummy Bloggers -- they've been discussing appropriate language for describing what used to be known as one's private parts.

The whole thing got Tearfree thinking once again about something that's been bugging her for a very long time. Why teach two-year-old girls to call their urinary tract a vagina? These kids absolutely don't need to know either the word or the organ since they have zero use for it at that age. What they need to know for the purpose of day-to-day living is what to call the stuff they use.

Although Tearfree's daycare advocated vulva for girls (beter than vagina but still problematic) and penis for boys, Tearfree was never happy with either of those choices. Vagina, as explained above, is just wrong while penis is an ugly word, which most right thinking men tend to avoid anyway. Like Denzel Washington in Inside Man, they come up with creative nicknames, in his case, "Big Willy and the twins."

In the Tearfree household, we eventually settled on peepee maker, which Tearfree agrees is a little too baby talk, but has the virtue of being accurate if nothing else.

Shoe Confessions

After Paula praised Tearfree's shoes, the online store Tearfree linked to got so much traffic, it had to remove the footwear in question.

Overconfident, Tearfree then asked readers what they thought about her Rockports and received less positive feedback.

While Tearfree understands the hesitation of many readers, she wishes to impress upon you that she walks at least five miles a day and cannot do this in Manolos. She is now going to show you two other models from her shoe collection: one she's sure you'll like and another she's sure you'll mock.

Comment away.

Tearfree's heckler

Tearfree has a heckler.

Said heckler likes to visit Reject the Koolaid in the middle of the night and leave nasty comments about everything from Tearfree's sandals (fit for a "hag") to this blog's no swearing rules ("In a world where there's so much shit going on - who has time to give a flying fuck what the hell anyone says - swearing or not?!?!Just get to the fucking point, and learn to pick your goddamned battles?!.)

Ok, we get it. You're just not that into Tearfee.

Now, since we welcome dissent here unlike some of the other Mummy bloggers, we're prepared to listen to you for just a little bit longer. But you need to start talking and tell us what footwear and world issues you think are worth our attention.

Tearfree's waiting to hear from you.

Everest blogging: because it's there

Last week, Tearfree brought you a story about where the "we mustn"t judge" philosophy can lead you.

To start this week, she's bringing you a few follow-ups. If you, like Tearfree, are a non-climber, here's a good background piece that will likely answer some of your follow-up questions. And if you enjoy long(-winded) comment sections, you cal also try this.

What did you do in the Mummy Wars, Tearfree?

Please tell us where you stand on this hot-button issue.

All the Mummies I know go out to work – except for one and she takes care of other people’s kids at home, so essentially has a job too. If I hadn’t read about these Mummy Wars, I wouldn’t even know they were happening.

Tearfree, have you ever criticized anyone’s mothering skills?

Behind their backs or to their faces?

Let’s start with behind their backs..

All the time, a few of us Moms will get together over Mojitos and start talking disparagingly about other Moms who sign their kids up for too many activities. Or we’ll diss the overprotective parents who won’t let their kids take public transport. Or we’ll criticize the parents who just seem to have children for ornamentation and never seem to spend any time with them.

What about criticizing other moms to their faces?

Well, I glare at Mummies with screaming kids in restaurants. And once I told a former friend who was going on about how much she missed her baby that she shouldn’t have left him alone for weeks on end if she felt that way. That’s pretty much why she’s a former friend. But really, it seems pretty basic to me, if you can’t bear to be without your child then don’t be. I find it all very “the lady doth protest too much.”

Have you ever been criticized for your mothering skills?

Yes. When Tearfree’s child was a toddler there was a spectacular airport temper tantrum that took place while frequent-flying execs looked on horror. “That’s on your flight,” one business type said to his buddy.

That’s it?

No, once I let my child cry and cry at the end of a transatlantic flight because I was just too exhausted to do anything else. And I could tell everyone on the plane was really pissed off at me.

I’ve also gotten the dreaded phone call from a teacher at school. We addressed the problem together and worked it out.

Nothing else?

Lots of stuff but nothing too significant. Once a radical hippy type Mom cut us off because she decided we were too materialistic. Another time, I made the mistake of thinking Team America was suitable for children and my brother brought it up at Xmas dinner with the entire family presenet. Luckily no one else had seen it so they all thought it was a nice cartoon too.

Do you get mad when other people criticize your parenting?

I think it’s a natural first reaction to bristle, but I also think you have to ask if there’s truth in the criticism. Sometimes outsiders will see things that you can’t so it’s important to strike a balance and ignore the non-justified criticism and listen to the stuff that might be important.

Fight, fight, fight!

More news on the nation's most important dispute.

Friday shoe blogging

From last year's collection.

What do you all think?

Too soccer mom? Or not?

Here comes the judge

As loyal readers know, one area where Tearfree and the Koolaid Mummy Bloggers have a major difference of opinion is the question of whether or not it’s mean and wrong to judge other people.

For evidence that the “Judge Not” philosophy is not limited to Mummy Blogs and is dangerously pervasive in today's society, check out the lead story in today’s Globe and Mail:

Left to die at 28,000 feet
Gasping for air near summit of Everest, Briton was abandoned by more than 40 climbers

Here's the "we mustn't judge" POV:

"It doesn't reflect well on climbers, but we can't judge them," said Ms. Tokarska, the first Canadian woman to reach the highest peaks on all seven continents. "I realize how difficult it would have been to help this climber and every effort, I think, would have been futile."

And here's the common sense POV:

Sir Edmund, who reached the summit of Everest in 1953 with Sherpa Tenzing Norgay, decried in strong terms the mentality surrounding modern Everest attempts.
"Human life is far more important than just getting to the top of a mountain," the New Zealand native was quoted as saying in an interview with his country's press association. "It was wrong if there was a man suffering altitude problems and was huddled under a rock, just to lift your hat, say 'good morning' and pass on by."

Now, let’s judge. Who would you rather climb Everest with?

PS: If you haven’t yet read Into Thin Air, buy it for the beach this summer. It’s an explornography classic and even if you’re not into climbing, it’s a great tale of why people do crazy things like climb Everest and post the intimate details of their lives on blogs.

Must be the hormones (Part 2)

Normally Tearfree doesn’t do celebrity blogging nor does she slag people off for their looks, but she is making an exception for Madonna, who – just her bad luck – happened to be mentioned in this dispatchfrom the Mummy Wars (Canadian version).

Tearfree wants to take issue with the widespread yet clearly erroneous idea that Madonna looks great for someone approaching 50.

If there is anyone out there who can make Tearfree feel good about not eating macrobiotic or spending three hours a day everyday at the gym, it is Madonna. All that money and all that health food, for this?

Madonna is living proof of that French saying that when a woman reaches her 40s she has to choose between her figure and her face although Tearfree’s not particularly wild about that figure either.

So how come men can forego the health food, do all sorts of bad boy things, and still get to 40 like this?

Thank you America...

...for voting for Taylor even if some of your Mummy Blogging citizens are still pissing some Canadians off.

Tearfree's going to cut you some slack on the whole softwood lumber thing.

Must be the hormones

Barely inquiring minds want to know why women are so horrible and mean to each other.

One picture and a video are worth at least two thousand of Tearfree’s words.

We're making progress

Those of you who have been reading Reject the Koolaid since the beginning know that one of the revolutionary things Tearfree did was invoke a no swearing rule. She took this measure because she was appalled at the ubiquity of the F-word and other trash talk on so many of the Mummy blogs.

Well, now the revolution is spreading. One of he biggest trash talkers, Her Bad Mother, has announced she’s cleaning up the language she once boasted about. And in the comments section, you can see that the Mummies are definitely having trouble coming to terms with this latest cursing proclamation.

Tearfree is betting they’ll all be hopping on the clean language bandwagon within days. The revolution is spreading!

Please vote for Taylor

Dear American readers,

If you want to make up for the softwood lumber slight, please help all us Canadians who don't get to vote for the next American Idol and cast your ballot for Taylor.

Thank you sincerely,

Tearfree

Double blind item

If you want to know who you know who is mad at, here's the answer.

It's not all about you!!

A few Koolaid Moms have written to Tearfree complaining about her being “hateful” and claiming, “There is absolutely no reason for your blog other than hate.”

Well, sorry but NO! Can you say softwood lumber and Jack Bauer? This blog is sooooo not all about you, Koolaid Mummies.

Furthermore, at the risk of provoking even more controversy, I would like to note that it is the American Koolaid Moms who keep insisting that there’s nothing more to Reject the Koolaid than attacking Mummy Bloggers.

Now, given that you Yanks are currently trying to improve your image in the rest of the world and given that Tearfree is rather fond of Jack Bauer, she is going to do you a very big favour and give you a few tips on dealing with Canadians.

You need to understand that we are very sensitive about softwood lumber – and all the more so when you completely ignore the serious and justified concerns we express about the issue on our blogs.

So, really, if you want to do something for your country, Tearfree suggests you stop ignoring an issue dear to our Canadian hearts and start commenting on the softwood lumber posts not just the Koolaid Mummy stuff.

Peace!

The Tearfree Mission

Tearfree promised a detailed mission statement, but upon reflection it became clear that a short simple statement would be best. So here goes…

The mission of Reject the Koolaid is to make common sense common again.

For providing us with that brilliant pithy summation, we would like to thank the inimitable François-Marie Arouet, better known as Voltaire.

Tearfree has always had a bit of a thing for Voltaire, who was kind of a Jack Bauer of the enlightenment.

How can you not love an atheist who says things like: "I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it."

Tearfree knows exactly what he meant.

Softwood Lumber Explosion

Since last Friday, it’s no longer just the Koolaid Moms who are after Tearfree’s hide. A group of softwood lumber blogging fans have now proclaimed themselves furious at Reject the Koolaid as well.

“Who the hell do you think you are calling yourself ‘the most fabulous softwood lumber blogger ever’ and announcing that ‘No one does softwood lumber blogging like you do,’” read one typical irate e-mail.

Long story short: the commenters are furious that their favourite softwood lumber blogger has been overlooked.

Just please leave the lumberjacks out of it.

Note to Foreign Visitors

We Canadians are taking the day off to celebrate Victoria Day today or la Fête de Dollard as we say here in Quebec, where there's no love lost for the monarchy.

Tearfree will be back tomorrow, Tuesday, May 23rd.

In the mean time, she suggests you check out the news with our favourite GREAT Granny blogger.

Friday Mailbag

A number of readers who are too shy to post, due to the IP-tracing threats of the Koolaid Mummy Bloggers, have been e-mailing Tearfree to ask how things are going.

The answer is great. Traffic is increasing all the time and Tearfree’s influence is such that after Paula praised her shoes, this online store completely sold out of them. If things keep going as they are, Tearfree will be able to leave the world of academia and blog full time, all thanks to her loyal readers.

Readers have also been frank about informing Tearfree what they like and dislike about this blog. They’ve told her what they want to see covered and Tearfree has collated the results.



1. Softwood Lumber Blogging

This hot topic was the overwhelmingly number one choice. Nothing else came close. Readers told Tearfree: “You are the most fabulous softwood lumber blogger ever,“ “No one does softwood lumber blogging like you do,” and “You straddle this border dispute like a trade professional!” Tearfree has heard you and she promises more softwood lumber blogging than ever.

2. Jack Bauer and 24 Blogging

Tearfree is far from the only Jack Bauer fan around but readers value her unique perspective on putting Jack’s philosophy to work in daily life. Tearfree is committed to giving you as much Jack Bauer as she possibly can.

3. James Blunt Blogging

A bizarre write-in since Tearfree has never blogged about this singer before. Perhaps it’s because he has the same initials as Jack Bauer, or maybe it’s because before he became a soulful crooner, he used to be a captain in the British Army, but, while Tearfree understands the appeal, she regrets that her musical knowledge is limited and she cannot commit to regular James Blunt blogging at this point.

4. Koolaid Mummy Blogging

You want more although you are divided on how mean Tearfree should be. Some readers want Tearfree to go for the jugular and target the A-list Mummy bloggers while others want more gentle commentary.

5. You Know Who blogging

Readers said they want as much as they can get of our Most Awesome Rockstar Mummy Blogger award winner. Tearfree is committed to providing frequent links to both the satirizer and the satirizee.

6. Common Sense Parenting Blogging

Readers want tips on how to pull together an emergency science project in five hours as well as common sense advice on how to shut up the screaming brats at the next restaurant table when you’ve left your own kids at home so you can enjoy a child-free night out.

7. Current Events Blogging

Busy mothers requested updates on the day’s burning issues be it troops in Afghanistan, Quebec politics or global warming.

8. Shoe Blogging

Readers and Paula want to be kept up to date on Tearfree’s shoe collection.

9. Comments, comments, comments

Readers love the comments section most of all. They want to hear from Jacy, Alison, ninegrambrain, littlepinkcar, Granny, Randy, Simon, Paula, Ryan and even anonymous. Tearfree encourages everyone to post. She is committed to protecting your anonymity and pseudonymity unless you issue death threats.

Tearfree will be back on Tuesday after the long weekend and will celebrate her three week blogging anniversary by presenting a detailed mission statement.

Enjoy your Victoria Day, Fête de Dollard, or plain old regular weekend. And see you all next week.

I'm Just Saying....

Regular readers know that Tearfree has already come down pretty hard on the Mummy Bloggers for various writerly affectations including their fondness for the F-word, their penchant for calling each other rockstars, and a collective anal fixation that manifests itself frequently in their prose.

Well, on her morning tour through the Mummy blogosphere, Tearfree noticed yet another emerging Koolaid Mom language meme. Just scroll down to the very last line of both these posts because there’s really no need to read either in full.

Shocking Global Warming Confession

So the other day, after a few champagne and white sangria cocktails with her colleagues, Tearfree confessed a heresy – that she wasn’t completely convinced by the evidence on global warming. Much to her surprise, several of her colleagues – people who are, shall we say, not at all predisposed to this type of heretical thinking – admitted that they weren’t convinced either.

Is it time for a new public opinion poll?

And is it possible to draw some kind of Da Vinci Code analogy?

Granny Blogger challenges Tearfree

UPDATE: FANTASTIC NEW COMMENTS


That Granny blogger who’s been cruising the Mummy blogosphere talking smack about Tearfree showed up in our very own comments section yesterday complete with authentic photo ID. (Scroll down to see)

Granny wants readers to check out her blogs -- Roc Rebel Granny and Is America Burning? – so they won’t judge her solely on the basis of the supremely dumb comments she made about Tearfree in all the Mother’s Day run-up hysteria.


In the interests of pursuing her academic research on emerging new media narratives, Tearfree went and had a look at Granny’s blogs and, frankly, she was not impressed. It was all George-Bush-is-a-genocidal-maniac and not even one mention of the country’s greatest hero, Jack Bauer. But, hey, if Bush bashing is your thing, you may like Granny’s blog and feel some cross-generational solidarity, so take a look and give her some traffic.

What does Randy/Paula/Anonymous really want?

Meanwhile, the commenter formerly known as Randy and Paula, before switching back to anonymous, put in his/her daily appearance to clarify some of his/her contradictory previous remarks. It turns out Randy/Paula/Anonymous thinks “viciousness is wonderful” but only when directed at movie stars and A-list Mummy Bloggers, not the D-list ones Tearfree has been focusing on. Randy/Paula/Anonymous wants Tearfree to pick on A-listers like Dooce and Suburban Bliss, which Tearfree finds a little bit odd since she has nothing against either of those two.

What’s more, Tearfree does not share the enthusiasm of Randy/Paula/Anonymous for slashing tall poppies simply because they are tall.

The Tearfree mission, which will be elaborated on this blog shortly, is that you should pick on people and things that are dumb and lacking in common sense, be they Mummy Bloggers or anyone else. We are not so small minded that we pick on people simply for hitting it big.

Of course the motives of Randy/Paula/Anonymous could be somewhat more complicated. It’s possible he/she just wants to watch Tearfree get pounded on by the biggest Mummy bloggers of them all. Or failing that, he/she might just be wanting to draw attention away from one of Tearfree’s favourite targets.

Whatever the motivation, Tearfree is deeply supicious and is officially turning down the blogging request of Randy/Paula/Anonymous. Of course, all you other readers shouldn't let that dissuade you from sending in your own special requests.

What European city do you belong in?

Because Tearfree needs a little blogging help today to recover from last night, she invites you to take the test.

Tearfree belongs in

Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

Hat tip:

Serious Wednesday

As Tearfree’s comment readers are aware, we’ve had a number of demanding commenters lately: namely Simon, Randy and Ryan.

Although Randy originally maintained that “satirizing and parodying Mommy bloggers has A LOT of potential,” one day later he’d changed his mind. “I see nothing to attack," he wrote in yesterday’s comments. “It could be possible to lampoon or satirize them, but there are bigger fish more worthy of such treatment, aren't there?”

Well Randy, name the bigger fish and Tearfree will see what she can cook up for you. In the mean time though, she’ll continue to epater the bourgeois Mummy Bloggers, because although may not see themselves that way that’s what they are: the new bourgeoisie complete with designer handbags, high-end digital cameras and dilettantish ambitions.

Tearfree also thinks you have a somewhat rose-coloured view of the Algonquin Table, which was, after all, also known as the vicious circle.

What do you think Katharine Hepburn’s friends did after Dorothy Parker wrote that the “actress ran the whole gamut of emotions from A to B?” Did they tell her not to feel bad because the line would go down in history? Or did they console her with the fact that Mrs. Parker was just a mean, mean bitch with nothing better to do with her time than knock it back at the round table?

As for Simon, your problem is that you’re trying to swing both ways and it’s not working. You’ve got to figure out which team you’re playing for or nothing's ever going to make you happy.

Where is Tearfree?

Tearfree went out with her colleagues last night. The evening began with some kind of cocktail of Champagne, white sangria and fruit, and ended with flaming Sambuca.

Hangover blogging will resume shortly.

By special request: shoe blogging

In yesterday’s rather nasty comment section, one of the few people with nice things to say was Paula. (Yes, that Paula.)

While she didn’t so much as mention Tearfree's Granny Blogger-bashing post, she did tell Tearfree: “Those are great shoes, too. Congratulations on the excellent shoes!”

Then this morning when Tearfree stopped by the neighbourhood grocery store, her favourite checkout clerk asked: “Where did you get them? I love them!”

Carrying her groceries home, Tearfree ran into her neighbour. “I saw you from a block away thanks to the shoes,” she said. “Get me my sunglasses.”

Judge for yourselves, dear readers.

Take the Tearfree challenge

As faithful readers will have noticed Tearfree got a little beat up in her comments section yesterday. First Randy told her she was in danger of being rembered “as another talentless hack.” Then Simon said: “As much as you make fun of the "Koolaid Mommies" for whining and complaining about you, you seem to dish it right back with equal high-school-like hate. The back-and-forth is extremely trite… this blog is now as boring as your nemesis' musings.” Why, even Ryan got down and dirty and compared Tearfree to William Hung.

Well geez guys, talk about speaking truth to power or to Tearfree on the very same day she's just been to the dentist.

But, here's the thing: How come we haven’t seen any of you dissing the Koolaid Mummy Bloggers and livening up their comments sections like you feel so free to do here at Tearfree’s blog?

Could it be that you are scared of the Koolaid Mummies’ Chloe-like threats to use CTU-like powers, fuse the forces of Google Earth and Site Metre, and track you down?

Randy, Simon and Ryan, it's time for you to accept the Tearfree challenge and get up on to the blogging stage. Pick a Mummy Blogger (any of the ones who have commented here will do), enter her comments section and try saying to her some of the things you said to Tearfree.

Then join us back here with your fully functioning links -- if you can still tap out a signal on your keyboards.

You go, guys!!!!

World Exclusive Mummy Blogger Interview

Gaaa!!! It’s such a thrill to be with the winner of the Most Awesome Rockstar Mummy Blogger contest. But how come you took down and even “degoogled” my very favourite post of all, “Mothering High?”


Like i don't know what your talking about, okay? there was no mothering high post. or if there was, it was like super-funny and super-hilarous like peo=ple didn't get it. so mihdn your own businsss!! your just jealous!!

Why is your blog address no longer listed in the Globe when you are such an awesome super hot Mummy blogger?

Like that is none of your business. the globe people they just dont have any sense of hourmour and like didn't like my joke about watning to ibite my baby's ass. they like just don't get me, that is why they keep putting my super-trnedy mommyblogging story in which i promote the companies advertising on my lbog every week all over the paper. they're just jelous!! at the globe!!!

Some Internet sites are calling on Jan Wong to go undercover as your weekend nanny? Are you sure you know who your weekend Nanny is?

asian women are hot because they are like super-skinny and have like super-cute litte asses. i would like to bite jan's wong super-skinny super-hot ass.

Is Jack Bauer as hot as the finance or cute single guy? (Hint: if you want to skip registration go to Bug Me Not)

jak bauer? like i don't brleieve in fairtytales. i tried to read it to the dictor but the writing was a bit hard for me to folow and like their is no way a beanstalk could grow that tall. stoopid story! jak bauer suks!

Where do you stand on the softwood lumber issue?

i prefer lumber when it is hard, if you no what i mean ... nudge nudge pink pink -- it's how i got so faomous!!!

Can I have lunch with you next time I’m in Calgary?

like why would i want to have lunch with you? jst because you like gave me that big award? well ... okay. !! thats right, you gave me that big awaard! and like you can help make me famouser. but if you are prettyer than me or smarter than me, then no way!! like no way!!! i am the prettierst and the coolest super-hot mommyyy blogger out there! not you!!

America Voted

After Randy, Paul and Simon spoke, America voted.

And just like Katharine, Tearfree is coming back.

Tune in tomorrow for for modern classics Tuesday. Tearfree has an exclusive interview with the winner of the Most Awesome Rockstar Mummy Blogger contest. She'll be talking about everything from Mothering Highs to Jack Bauer to Softwood Lumber.

Plus, coming up this week: Foie gras, Rate My Professors, dissident Mummy Bloggers and where Tearfree got those great shoes.

Mother’s Day Weekend Activity Report: Granny Blogger Sounds Off

As Tearfree’s loyal readers know, the Koolaid Mom blogosphere – inspired by our very own Reject the Koolaid blogging contest – held a Call to Celebration last weekend.

It was 48 hours non-stop of feeling the love with a few timeouts here and there to lambaste Tearfree as an “ass hat,” “fucktard," “blogtard,” and, worst of all, “not nice.” Why, there was even some Granny blogger talking smack about Tearfree on various Mummy Blogger websites, posting comments like “I was part of the feminist movement of the 70's and I can tell you that troll's diatribe was not what we had in mind. Of course it's about choice and no choice has less value than any other.”

Well first of all Grandma, here at Reject the Koolaid, we don’t discriminate on the basis of age, so Tearfree’s going to tell it to you straight.

Despite the wisdom and experience you should have acquired by your stage in life, you are showing yourself to be as Oprah-addled as the average 20-something Mummy Blogger. Take your theory that “no choice has less value than any other.” Hmm, in that case Tearfree’s choice to start a blog of her own has no less value than any other Koolaid Mom’s choice to blog, so you need to either

a) put that cane down and back right off or
b) do a fundamental rethink of your guiding life philosophy

Tearfree also hopes you’ve taken your daily heart medicine because what she’s going to tell you now may shock you to your very core: one of the profoundly radical things we believe here at Reject the Koolaid is that some choices – be they about Motherhod or what Jack Bauer has to do to save millions of lives -- do indeed have a hell of a lot more value than others.

And as for all you Mummy Bloggers still wringing your hands over what type of person Tearfree must be to spend so much energy spreading “hate” and negativity and mocking Mummy bloggers so mercilessly, well, the answer is Tearfree aspires to be this type of person.

Finally, she would like to give you one last round of Mother’s Day thanks for all the wonderful material you’ve given her to work with. Please, keep it coming so we can all meet back here in one more year.

Vandals Visit Reject the Koolaid

Late last week during the wee hours of Friday morning, a Mummy blogger went berserk and vandalized the comments section of this blog. Among other things, she appropriated the identity of a regular commenter, linked to a very nasty site, and, as some previous Mummy blogger commenters have done, issued forth a whole bunch of scatological insults.

The commenter also took the unprecedented step of insulting Tearfree’s child, writing “if you would have (sic) breastfed your kid, they wouldn't be on that med for ADHD (sic) right now.”

Since Tearfree has already stated that not only did she breastfeed but that she herself was breastfed, it would appear that it’s the commenter who’s suffering from ADD and engaging in transferral, as the shrinks like to call it.

The now-deleted comment did, however, raise some points worth considering

1) If mean people like Tearfree can breastfeed too, it would appear to contradict the theories of some La Leche League members that breastfeeding will not only solve all your children's problems but also lead to world peace.


2) More importantly, there is absolutely no insulting anyone’s minor children on this blog. The sins of the Mummy Blogger shall not be visited on the mini-mes under any circumstances.

And the "Most Awesome Rockstar Mummy Blogger Award" goes to…

…the incomparable, the always hilarious, and the sizzlingly hottest satirist in the blogosphere.

She succeeds day in and day out in satirizing material to which it is almost impossible to do justice.

Tearfree has been trying to get an exclusive interview with the winner but it appears she is celebrating Mother’s Day elsewhere. Please check into her blog and congratulate her and urge her to publicly accept this much deserved award.

Also, in the spirit of Mother’s Day, and because we have been told that naming the dumbest, most clueless Koolaid Mummy Blogger on the last blogging day before Mother’s Day is akin to “putting a bounty on Santa’s head and scheduling the execution for Christmas Eve,” and because we are aware that you all know who the winner is anyway, we are saving ourselves some prize money and withholding the award due to “electoral irregularities” among the Florida Mummy Bloggers.

Happy Mother’s Day to you all and Tearfree has one small favour to ask. While you're celebrating and sipping your Koolaid, Mojito, or other drink of choice, could you please spare a moment to think of some of the less fortunate mothers among us, women like Jack Bauer's Mom.

We'll see you all back here next week.

You've Got the Power

It appears that the Mummy blogsophere is still in a tizzy over Tearfree, In fact, to counter our first ever Koolaid Mummy Awards, the other blogging Mummies have organized a contest or “call-to-celebration” featuring “Ode(s) to Amazing MommyBloggers.”

Well, you go girls. Now, if only you’d taken this kind of action when all those Mummies and pregnant women you know were getting fired rather than just wringing your hands and weeping.

How come you didn’t get similarly exorcized when that company ”laid off or demoted a half a dozen women because they decided to have children?” Seems like a much more deserving situation to get worked up about than Tearfree and her blog.

Although Tearfree believes that today's managers are more scared of a pregnant woman than a nuclear bomb, and is therefore sceptical that any company would be allowed to get away with such things in Toronto –which, despite it’s geographic location, is hardly North Country -- she is still encouraging the Mummy bloggers to channel their newly discovered energies and get to the bottom of the situation once the Mother’s Day odes and celebrations are behind us.

10 Day Blogging Anniversary

Well, it’s been 10 whole days and things are going better than ever here at Reject the Koolaid. Our readership is increasing daily and we’ve had comments on everything from badly behaved kids in restaurants to troops in Afghanistan. Why, we even managed to get some opinionated lumberjacks to weigh in on the Softwood Lumber blogging post, which must be the most awesome blogging achievement ever.



And things are just going to keep on rocking. Tomorrow, on the last blogging day before Mother’s day, we announce the first ever Koolaid Mummy Blogging awards. The results have already been tabulated and Tearfree is working hard to get an exclusive interview with the winner of the Most Awesome Rockstar Mummy Blogger Award.

The only downside to the whole blogging thing has been that Tearfree has started to act like a Mummy Blogger in real life. Yesterday, she told a colleague and distinguished faculty member he was a “rock star” and the day before she made the mistake of telling the grocery delivery guy he was “as awesome as Jack Bauer,” and then had a hard time getting him out of the house.

Tearfree was WRONG!

Tearfree’s mean vs. nice American Idol experiment did not provide the data she hoped it would. What's more, Tearfree's prediction that Katharine would lose was way off the mark. How did it happen, you ask.

On Tuesday, Tearfree and a panel watched the show and gave Simon’s comments a meanness rating from 1 to 10, with 10 being as mean as Tearfree. Paula’s comments were given a niceness rating from 1 to 10, with 10 being as nice as a Koolaid Mummy.

Taylor

Simon meanness rating 3
Paula niceness rating 10

Chris

Simon meanness rating 4
Paula niceness rating 10

Elliott

Simon meanness rating 1
Paula niceness rating 10

Katharine

Simon meanness rating 9
Paula niceness rating 5


Attentive viewers will have noticed that Paula kind of damned Katharine with faint praise. She told her she had a “lovely voice, “ but didn’t say anything great about her singing that night. Basically, Simon and Paula agreed, making it hard to come to any definitive conclusion about the influence of mean vs. nice

And then America voted – and went and sent Katharine home. You could see the shock on Katharine’s and Chris’ faces not to mention Tearfree’s and her panel’s. America had rejected the opinions of the meanest and nicest judges and decided for itself. Whaaat?

“Well,” said one of Tearfree’s panelists, “you can still claim a victory for the influence of mean because if mean Simon Cowell hadn’t thrown his credibility behind Elliott, it would have been him that would have been gone.”

Hmm, Tearfree doesn’t want to manipulate the data. It seems that we started too late in the season to have a statistically valid sampling.

Tearfree has decided to attribute Chris’ loss to discrimination against bald men.

American Idol: Katharine's Going Down

Based on her nice vs mean analysis, Tearfree is predicting that Katharine McPhee will go home tonight.

See you all tomorrow morning.

Mothering FAQs update: “Child-Hating” on 24

A "Reject the Koolaid" reader, who is aware of Tearfree’s fondness for 24, has e-mailed to ask how she felt about a child-unfriendly incident on season three.

First before anything else though, THIS IS A SPOILER ALERT! If you have not seen season three, which is actually the worst season (except for the last few episodes), you may not want to read what follows.

Koolaid Mummy Question:

Tearfree, didn’t you think it was mean and child hating when the CTU bosses told Chloe to get her baby out of CTU headquarters?

Tearfree's answer:

No, absolutely not. The CTU building had just been bombed and a deadly virus was threatening Los Angeles.

Softwood Lumber Blogging (as promised)

Hmmmmm.

FAQs: Special pre-Mother's Day Session

Tearfree, did you breastfeed?

Yes – but not until age five.

In restaurants?

Yes but discretely, not sitting in a café with floor-to-ceiling windows at the corner of a busy intersection like some women I’ve seen. I find Girls Gone Wild style breastfeeding a little strange.

Interesting breastfeeding factoid: Tearfree herself was actually breastfed, which was unusual for her generation, but she comes from a long line of non-Koolaid drinking women.

Are you some hippy chick?

No.

Tearfree, where do you stand on the La Leche league?

They had a man for president in a town I used to visit on weekends. I’m not sure that was in their best interests.

Tearfree, did you Ferberize?

Yes at seven months although I had friends who didn’t sleep for 2-1/2 years and others whose babies slept through the night at six weeks. Tearfree believes parents can do what they want when it comes to sleep. She just wishes the non-Ferberizers would stop telling the Ferberizers how their kids will be traumatized for life. Really, how many of Tearfree’s readers remember what went on when they were seven months old?

Potty training?

Just before age two. No problems whatsoever. Tearfree is thankful as she’s seen toddlers with potty issues and it’s not a pretty sight.

Tearfree, What do you think of the diaper free movement?

I think some parenting magazine should send an investigative reporter to spend 24 hours with a supposedly diaper-free 8-month-old. Mattress inspection must be part of the assignment. I’m deeply skeptical, but you never know.

How do you feel about the small children in restaurants controversy?

Children in restaurants are fine as long as they’re behaving themselves. But I was out for brunch the other day and there was a screaming two year old there with Mummy, Daddy and Daddy’s buddy, all of whom did absolutely nothing. The mother kept saying, “He has to get it out of his system.” Well, maybe he did, but not in a crowded restaurant.

Bottom line is small kids don’t want to go out to brunch in trendy restos. It’s their parents that do. So none of this is about being “child unfriendly.” It’s about being unfriendly to selfish parents who want to make their kids everybody else’s problem. Shrieking kids would way rather be at home or at the playground. That’s why they’re shrieking.

What about changing your baby on a restaurant table?

Before Tearfree became a mother, she went out for lunch with a friend who did this. Tearfree was so shocked and horrified, she was completely silenced.

What about babies on airplanes?

Better than this.

And now for the biggest controversy of them all, Tearfree, have you ever spanked?

Yes on a few occasions. And whenever I admit it to other mothers, they’re shocked – not that I’ve done it, but that I’d admit it. Then they tell me, they’ve spanked too. And for the record, I’ve also thrown batteries in the garbage and expressed healthy skepticism about global warming.



REMEMBER: First ever Koolaid Mummy Blogger awards will be given out on Friday. Keep your nominations coming.

Koolaid Mom Update

Readers have been requesting an update on the Koolaid Mom situation.

A brief weekend journey through the Mummy blogosphere revealed that the Koolaid Moms were still really, really mad at Tearfree. They were threatening to delink, to IP trace and – worst of all—to reveal the ending of 24.

One enraged Mummy Blogger even sent hate e-mail. " You *$%^&*(*"!, the nuclear bomb's in Jack's dog," she wrote.

What kind of person does something like that even if, as it turned out, it was totally untrue?

The upside is that Tearfree has discovered, by starting her own blog, that she wasn’t the only one who found the Mummy Bloggers kind of odd. Non-Koolaid drinkers are popping up everywhere including a fellow Canadian from PEI (yes, Anne of Green Gables land) who recently pissed off a Koolaid Mom from New York City by telling her that some Haiku poetry she wrote to celebrate giving birth was “gay.”

Tearfree is not sure she agrees with that critical assessment but she leaves it to those who are interested in postmodern blogospheric Haiku to judge for themselves.

For your security, however, Tearfree warns you not to express your opinions on any Koolaid Mom blogs. Please come back to this blog if you feel the need to comment.

Finally, if, whoever you are from PEI is reading, Tearfree is in the market for some oceanfront property so please contact her.

And now for something completely different

NOTE: American visitors may want to skip this post.

Readers have asked Tearfree to explain Quebec's seemingly strange Stephen Harper moment.

How is it that the "most liberal" and most fahionable province could be supporting such a mean, mean guy who doesn't know how to dress anywhere near as well as the new leader of the PQ?

The answer is that none of these contradictions are new. As Yvon Deschamps said way back before the first referendum: "The real Quebecer knows what he's after, and that's an independent Quebec in a united Canada" ([...] le vrai Québécois sait qu'est-ce qu'y veut. Pis qu'est-ce qu'y veut, c't'un Québec indépendant, dans un Canada fort."

Plus ca change...

Coming Up on Reject the Koolaid

Special American Idol blogging. Who influences the voters more? Mean Simon Cowell or nice Paula Abdul?

Softwood lumber blogging -- for the first time ever. (And maybe the last)

Plus, as we lead up to Mother’s Day, Tearfree will offer no-nonsense mothering advice on controversial and provocative topics like public breastfeeding, spanking and child haters. On the last blogging day before Mother’s Day, we will hand out the Koolaid Mummy Awards. We've already got a hands-down double winner in the dumbest and most clueless categories but the competition for the Most Awesome Rockstar Mummy Blogger Award is still wide open.

E-mail or post your comments.

armanian (sic) armpits

Late last week, someone named Susiebadoozie dropped by the comments to ask Tearfree if she was so mean because she was “a woman who has more arm hair than an armanian (sic) lumberjack?”

Tearfree hopes Suzy, whose blogger profile describes her as a Christian who “loves to make people laugh,” didn’t mean Armenian because that would be deeply offensive to Armenians, a people who have already suffered enough.

Tearfree is going to give Susie, the benefit of the doubt and assume that she meant Armani-an because if ever there a group of lumberjacks free of bodily hair, it would have to be the Armani-an ones.

What’s more, Armani-an reflects far more accurately the actual state of Tearfree’s underarms.

Toxic Female Friendships Cont’d

Congratulations to the Globe editors who wrote the deeply ironic and multiple-reality reflecting hedline on Leah McLaren’s weekend column:


The new spectator sport: catfights
MEET MY BEST FRENEMY

Leah seems to agree with Mummy Blogger Rebecca Eckler and Louisa McCormack, the author of “Six Weeks To Toxic,”
that toxic female friendships are a major problem.

Tearfree and her readers, on the other hand, believe that most women grow out of toxic friendships when they graduate from high school

Having reflected deeply on this subject over the past few days, Tearfree and her readers are also a little fed-up about the inherently misogynistic nature of the whole toxic female friendship debate. Sure, men may have fewer toxic friendships, but that’s only because men have fewer friends.

As for men being less gossipy and less catty than women, well, that’s just plain wrong. If there is anyone out there who actually doubts this, please go into your e-mail boxes, pull up all the “slap down” messages, note the gender of all senders and recipients, and perform a basic statistical analysis.

If that still doesn’t convince you, check out season four of 24, which Tearfree watched this weekend while she was getting a life. At CTU headquarters, which is not at all unlike Tearfree’s own working environment in academia, men and women backstab and betray each other with complete gender equality.

And finally, if you are a victim of toxic friendships, looking for some commonsensical Tearfree advice, we recommend that next time you’re out having Mojitos and someone starts talking like this, you drink up, pay the waiter, and never, ever go out with that person again. It’s called the Tearfree “Six Seconds to Detox” approach.

Too Little Information (TLI) Syndrome

Tearfree has received a comment from an anonymous poster calling her blog a flash in the pan that stirred up a little action but doesn’t look able to sustain it. And given that today’s comment numbers aren’t as high as yesterday's, anonymous might have a point. Anonymous also believes that Tearfree must reveal more of herself if she wants to succeed.

It appears Anonymous is not alone. Tearfree has been tipped off that certain people, including those who have repeatedly told her to get a life because “the blogosphere’s just not that into you,” are spending a good part of their lives tracing IP numbers and trying to figure out who she is.

Although Tearfree knows you should never write anything in cyberspace, you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of The New York Times –- whoops, The Globe and Mail -- she would prefer, for now, to remain pseudonymous because she thinks it gives her more opportunity to explore the transcendent hermeneutics of anonymous blogging.

Tearfree’s goal is to establish a blog where it’s okay to be MEANingful, but not OK to drink the Koolaid and start flame wars. To do this, she must test the shifting boundary of transgression in a post-colonial cyber empire of emerging narratives. If she is outed, she will have to totally rethink her methodology.

Tearfree is now going to turn on the comments but she warns you not to flame since that will defeat the purpose of this whole experiment.

2:15 PM

More FAQs for Tearfree aka Reject the Koolaid

Tearfree, have you ever had a toxic female friendship?

Not since high school. For some reason toxic friendships seems to be much more of a problem among all those super supportive Koolaid-swigging Mummy bloggers in Eckler's comment section. Hmmm.

Is that because you don't have friendships?

Tearfree has friends.

Or maybe it’s because you’re a man?

No, for the record once and for all, I am not a man. I am 100% XX. And I will not answer this question again.

Tearfree, what will you blog about once the Koolaid Mom/Eckler controversy dies down?

Softwood lumber.

Tearfree, what have you got against swearing?

The Mummy blogosphere is all WTF and STFU and abso-fucking-lutely and pass the Koolaid. That language is so affected and tiresome and totally easy to parody. But more importantly, as one of my favourite bloggers recently pointed out, if Jack Bauer doesn’t swear, given all he goes through in 24 hours, why are a bunch of SAHMummy bloggers constantly trash talking over a few night feedings?

Do you have any other blog rules we should know about, Tearfree?

Yes, no outing people be they Tearfree or her posters. At this blog, you have the right to remain anonymous or pseudonymous. And Tearfree wishes to remain the latter.

Is that why you are now using comment moderation?

Yes—and also because Urban Mummy was trash talking and falsely accusing me of using the F-word. But I still want you to comment and keep it MEANingful. And because I don’t have a life, I will be enabling comments frequently.

UPDATE: YOU CAN NOW COMMENT TO YOURT HEARTS' CONTENT WITHOUT MODERATION. YOU GO GIRLS -- AND BOYS!

Tearfree, do you use sock puppets?

Jafo was a real commenter from HBM, but the Jafo in my comments was a sock puppet used to establish my blogging persona and build momentum. Now that the comments seem to be taking off, I promise, until further notice, not to use sock puppets.

Tearfree, can posters use sock puppets?

Yes, if it’s for a good reason, but things could get tiresome really fast if everyone’s constantly accusing everyone else of being a sock puppet. It’s worked well up until now, but I worry it could get overdone.

Since so many posters have accused you of not having a life, could you share your weekend plans with us?

I plan to watch the entire season four of 24.

Eckler shows judgment, deletes post

One of Tearfree’s loyal Mummy Blog readers has given her a scoop. It seems that Rebecca Eckler has actually exercised judgment and taken down her SECOND dumbest blog post ever. (See comments at "I totally told You So" for details,)

Tearfree is happy to inform you, though, that said post lives on in the ether of cyberspace for those who really need to know.

Last Slapdown Post

We’re lowering the toxicity rating here and going back to this blog’s founding mission: making fun of irony challenged Mummy Bloggers. But first, there are still a few things that have to be cleaned up.

Some Mummy Bloggers (see the last comments section) just don’t get that posting a very nasty message about an identifiable semi-public figure on your weblog is kind of a toxic thing to do in and of itself. Sorry, Koolaids, if you can’t connect those dots, we can’t help you much further.

Other readers want to know whose side Tearfree is on in the slapdown. And the answer is that Tearfree does not have a dog in this catfight. She is just astounded to see two successful women shoot themselves in their feet and ruin two perfectly good pairs of Manolos.

Tearfree is very decidedly not jealous of the mess they’ve gotten themselves into.

Some Mummy bloggers also think Tearfree was duped into giving Ms. Eckler more attention than she deserves. Well, no, I thought I made this clear. The whole point was to work parasitically to get Reject the Koolaid onto Gawker and into the Technorati Top 100. Alas, it’s starting to look like Mission Impossible given that Tom Cruise has just about taken over Manhattan.

But don’t worry we’ll have more worthwhile Canadian initiatives for you over the next few days including the results of the first ever Koolaid Mom contest. So keep reading and keep your votes coming.

And remember, Tearfree always appreciates your contributions especially the really mean stuff.

I Totally Told You So

You see, this is what happens when you drink the Koolaid and get the vapours about dissenting opinions.

ninepounddictator: Toxic Female Friendships

One of your Koolaid friends goes and does this and none of the Koolaid Moms has the cojones to tell her what she did is really, really dumb. And now it’s too late because even if she takes it down, it’s still had 24 hours to become the talk of le tout Toronto.

I’m guessing the Koolaid Moms didn't say anything about this because that would have been an unsupportive value judgment and value judgments are really, really mean, unless they are about Tearfree and other mean, mean people who need to desperately get a life.

But, you know what? Tearfree totally believes in value judgments because there is absolutely no point in having values if you’re not going to use them to make judgments. Think about it. What other use is there for values?

So some advice, Koolaid Moms. Next time you see that one of your cult has gone and doing something damagingly dumb – and let’s hope it’s not Rebecca again – ask yourselves: “What would Simon Cowell say?”

Worthwhile Canadian Initiative

I feel slightly queasy about this but instead of letting this Eckler/We-all-know-who feud take over my big day in the the blogosphere, I am going to shamelessly exploit it. Besides Eckler has enabled my comment over at her blog presumably because she wants to harness the exploding Tearfree power. Of course, it could have been a totally clueless move on her part , but she’s no slouch when it comes to spotting a PR opportunity and today is clearly a big day for her too.

Eckler hasn’t done anything quite so exhibitionistic since the infamous New York Times Modern Love column last spring. It was a total PR triumph and got her into
Gawker just when her book was being published in the States.

I’m thinking what with her “friend’s” book coming out, she has spotted another opportunity to get herself into Gawker.

I can see the hedline now “Canada not so boring after all. Bitchslapping babe columnists test toxicity limits.” And of course there have to be pictures of both of them in their full babealicious northern glory.

And in case you're wondering what the slappee in this round is up to...

Timing is everything

Oh shit, just when my profile views were going through the roof (even if my comments sections weren't exactly hopping) Rebecca Eckler goes nuclear on We All Know Who.

And damn it, I still can't get the hyperlinks working so you'll have to cut and paste
http://ninepounddictator.blogspot.com/2006/05/toxic-female-friendships.html

I feel like that guy whose really good book was published on September 11th. And yes, I know that's kind of tasteless. Sorry.

To deal with all this, I'm making lemonade with the lemons this Blog Star has just handed me.

So here goes. Rebecca is pretty much a Koolaid Mom. She's been embraced by the cult, weeps with the cult, swears with the cult, talks about how important is to be nice with with cult, shops with the cult, ignores Marx with the cult, etc.

But even though a major theme in her blog is how we should all get along and never be mean to each other, here she is deliberately provoking a major Bitchslapping session.

The cognitive dissonance is totally Koolaidicious. You go girl!

Cruel to be kind

Okay, welcome Koolaid Moms to the buzziest site in the Mummy Blogosphere.

But first I have to clear one thing up. You are welcome here even if you aren't nice. While being nice is often a virtue in everyday life, it doesn't really spice up discussion. Witness today's comment section at HBM It's all, “You are a rock star!” “You are awesome.” “I wanna be you.”

How boring is that?

Our motto here at Reject the Koolaid is, “If you can't think of anything nice to say, please come and post here.”

Of course, we do expect you to keep it witty or insightful, which is why we are offering some constructive tips on appropriate insulting.

Good empowered insults

Tearfree insulted the Koolaid Moms by calling them “disempowered victim wannabes with a weird, incongruous you-go-girl streak.” This was a good insult because it identified a heretofore unidentified social trend, placed it in its sociological context, and satirized it. This is an appropriate approved insult.

Totally lame insults

Many Koolaid Moms insulted Tearfree by calling her an “asswipe.” This was a totally lame insult because it was simply crude and vulgar with no added value. It is an inappropriate insult of the type that will not be tolerated here.

What else? Oh yeah, in the same vein, some Jafo dude over at HBM (where else?) is opining that “it is inconsiderate to question anyone's experience without having walked in their shoes.”

Again, we here at Reject the Koolaid believe this is utterly and completely wrong and have constructed a fictional Socratic dialogue to make our point.

TEARFREE: But Jafo, I've never been President of the United States, does that mean I can't question George Bush's experience?

JAFO: No, duh!!!! Politicians are exempt because we vote for them and pay their salaries.

TEARFREE: I've never hosted a phone-in show. Do I have no say on Rush Limbaugh? I mean if I had my own show, who knows, maybe I'd go all demagogue too?

JAFO: No, no, double duh!!!!! He's exempt too. Since he puts himself out there.

TEARFREE: But what about bloggers, they put themselves out there too?

JAFO: Well yeah, I see where you're headed with this. Let me get back to you.

Some posters also want to know how Tearfree's going to keep up the momentum once all the buzz dies down. Good question.

I'm organizing the first ever Koolaid Mom contest. Categories include:

Hottest Koolaid Mom
Dumbest Koolaid Mom
Most intellectual Koolaid Mom
Creepiest Koolaid Mom
Most clueless Koolaid Mom
Koolaid Mom most likely to break out of the blogosphere

Submit your nominations and your categories. Boost the comments here. And feel the buzz. Don't let Reject the Koolaid die because you're too shy to post. There's also an email address in the comments if you prefer to contact me that way.

FAQS for Tearfree aka Reject the Koolaid

Tearfree, you post so much, are you a total loser with nothing else to do?

No, I’m trying to build my blog audience and this is one of my tactics.

But you said you were a working mother, what about your boss?

I am an academic. I’ve filed my grades. I’m not back in class until September. New media is one of my areas. So in a way, this is my job.

Can I look you up on Rate My Professors?

No, absolutely not.

Ok, but if you’re in new media, how come you can’t hyperlink?

I just got a MAC and Blogspot doesn’t seem to work well with Safari. (Bleg: If anyone has any tips on hyperlinking under these conditions, I welcome them.)

What about your kids. When do you ever find time to take care of them?

Kid, singular. Starting high school next fall. Takes public transport alone. Old enough to have friends with blogs. Plus, like I said, I’m an academic.

Some posters said you must be a horrible mother – is that true?

I’m a great mother. My kid is proof.

Tearfree, some people said you’re a man. Are you?

Nope.

They also said you can’t possibly be happy. Are you?

Yes.

Tearfree, are you really against tears?

No I'm just agains Koolaid-fuelled sob sessions and stuff like this
http://ninepounddictator.blogspot.com/2006/05/major-meltdowns.html

Why do you read the Mummy bloggers if you think they’re Koolaid drinkers?

It’s an interesting phenomenon. And one of my areas of specialization is groupthink, new media narrative trends, emerging post-modern literature.

Tearfree, did you plan all this as an exploitative audience-grabbing manoeuvre?

No, but I can see how it looks that way.

Tearfree, why did you back pedal and become nicer?

Really, I didn't mean to. I honestly don't understand why people are saying I recanted. In fact I stand by everything I said at http://badladies.blogspot.com/2006/04/back-to-basics.html

Founding post

I am Tearfree and I recently got into a whole lot of trouble with the Mummy bloggers at Her Bad Mother http://badladies.blogspot.com/2006/04/back-to-basics.html for refusing to drink their Koolaid and calling them a bunch of disempowered victim wannabes with a weird, incongruous you-go-girl streak. They replied that I was a rude insensitive asswipe who had no business doubting their victim stories and hijacking one of their favourite blogs.

About the hijacking, they had a point. So here I am at my brand new blog, Reject the Koolaid, where those of us who want can continue the discussion without being accused of hijacking.



Today’s topic of discussion is:

Am I the only one who doubts this story of the Koolaid Mom who maintains that she worked at a company where a woman was told that she should have had an abortion and “that (the) same company laid off or demoted a half a dozen womEn because they decided to have children.”

And our follow-up question:

Is there really a nice sweet Koolaidish way to tell someone you think they’re full of shit?


Tearfree is not only very skeptical about this story because it’s just too bad to be true, but she is also curious about the appropriate Koolaid Mom way of telling a fellow Koolaid Mom you don’t believe her reality? Or as a Koolaid Mom, do you just ignore the fact that another Koolaid Mom is spouting nonsense because it’s really, really mean and hurtful to challenge someone and you never, ever, ever want to hurt another Koolaid Mom’s feelings?

And – oh yeah – is it possible, or even desirable, to get through life without hurt feelings?